Release

Mind is beyond comprehension . You will be wondering why your mind is thinking in that particular direction and you won't be able to find an answer . Sometimes I think it's futile to think about all that . Mind receives some signal from external agents and then it gets transferred to heart . Poor heart has to bear all the pressure, it has to behave as our mind wants it to perform . Or is it other way around , is it the heart which is doing all this ? I really don't know who is the initiator. And you know, after sometime these eyes try to share heart's burden by shedding few tears. Sometimes these vocal cords try to release this pressure by shouting . And if one is not able to do that then a big sigh helps. 
       
     Right now, I am going through this process . This process has reached heart .I think eyes are ready to shed tears . People are there around me, what should I do right now ..? And tears fall . Left eye and then right eye . Now I am asking to myself ' Are you happy now ? ' Then suddenly this thought crosses my mind ' Am I not being too rude / harsh on myself ? ' . I feel the answer is yes . I am relating and identifying myself with materialistic objects, and then when I am not able to satisfy my ego I am feeling bad about it . 

    This is some kind of madness .

Sons of Mothers.

Saturday is over. Obviously Sunday is ticking . It's around 1 o' clock. And I have a lot of assignments to complete before I go off to sleep. But I feel like writing. Writing or typing, it's the same thing nowadays. I don't know who but someone is playing Requiem For A Dream soundtrack, and as always usual, it's hitting me, hitting me more that a patch of nicotine. Music has that power, power to make you feel, power to drown you in the sea of feelings, power to show you different colors of life. Music is, actually, more than that. 

You are on which side...?

          Before writing this, I was reading an article in The Guardian, it was related to the gruesome act of Gang rape in Delhi. It's a long, detailed article but it speaks truth. It shows the very clear lines of difference in India. Well I am not here to contaminate this article by passing my irrelevant judgments. 

          Friday the 13th, it was Dave Mustaine's, Megadeth Frontman, birthday. But this Friday was made special by the famous judgement given by the sessions court, death sentence to all four convicts. I saw most of us were quite comfortable with his judgement, they were happy and in a way celebrating it as day of justice. I personally think this judgement is biased. We cornered this act of rape in the category of ' Rarest of rare' without realizing the price we are going to pay for it. Just because the girl died in this case, the case became a special one ( I feel ashamed while saying this ). This means that when a four- year old is raped, it's not a rare case. When a seventy year old is raped, it's not a rare case. There are many cases where women are raped again and again in their own house and then asked to live in the same house beneath the eyes of the same person ( or persons). Is it not rare or is it very common that we ignore it so comfortably..? Ignorance is Bliss. Fuck it. It's not bliss always. Just look around yourself and you will see many girls,women and small kids ( girls and boys both) are raped daily. Just because it's so common, we ignore it.

        Don't categorize these crimes.Next time when a man will rape a woman, he will think that he did a small crime ( BTW he won't think ), he didn't kill her physically but just raped her. Those four men are not exceptional . They did the same thing which all rapists do. Sadly, our Judiciary lost an opportunity to spread the message that RAPE IS VERY COMMON IN INDIA,WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. It should have done something concrete not just some death sentence which will vaporize soon. It's like we have to live this quite rage which is inside our head. And nurture these demons present in our society. Sometimes these demons themselves don't know that they are demon, that is the most dangerous part. 

   I am sad that we are glorifying this hollow judgement.

#nowPlaying Breaking The Law - Judas Priest.

Randomness

Hola

I don't know what am I doing here, what am I going to write and what am I thinking. It's all random. Random like life. Yes, life, at least to me, looks like some random thing to me. Random because it has no fixed shape, no fixed destination ( I know we all are going to die one day and all that bullshit ) and many such aspects. Is life bitch because Karma is bitch or Is life bitch because we behave like bitch..? I don't have any answers, I only have my own set of questions( which are also random). How random is everything..? Isn't..? Randomly our parents met. Randomly some sperm got selected and randomly we came upon this planet. Randomly we met few people in our life. And randomly that special person too. Yes, everyone has that random but special one in their life. And randomly things go upside down and randomly you end up writing on some blog, some random shit at some random nocturnal hour.

BUT somethings are fixed. Some very important aspects of our life are fixed. Some of our decisions ( actually most of them) are fixed because we are compelled to take them. Randomness is bliss. And this is not liked by them. By 'THEM' I mean this society, it's members,all societal cliches and many such related things.

Ok. I think I should stop writing here. Otherwise I will start writing the same old story. You know what I mean..;)

Sunday Morning

After a long time I am writing something on this blog and I feel good about it(atleast something to feel good about).I have been writing a lot for past few months(mail drafts) and now I can very well say that I feel comfortable while writing.

I am sitting in a boring room,and it's another Sunday morning.When I woke up this morning,I felt the same nausea which I have been witnessing for the last three months.I felt like going back to sleep again and calm myself but I did not work.Then I went to watch Vh1,as it was Sunday,they were showing Vh1 classic.And my day started with Kurt Cobain's, 'Come as you are',it was followed by Jeremy,Pearl Jam.Then I went into the kitchen to make my breakfast,and I saw a black color lizard on the gas burner and felt like catching it by its tail but refrained from doing so because I can't start my morning with a lizard.And now I am sitting here thinking, how to waste my time.

I don't want to talk about theories, feelings,hypothesis,people,politicians,corruption,past,present,future,not even a single abstract idea.Still I don't know what is following me,what am I following to.Ok,I guess someone is on the door.

Am I NFMS??

Its Ok...Next Time

One has to pay for one’s mistakes and I realised this on 12^th January.The happiness of getting placed vapourised in no time.I have degraded myself to a new level,the level which is below abyss,beyond imagination.

Everyone is trying to sympathize with me (but the mockery is obvious).I am tired of these lines”Koi nahi yaar ho jaayega”.I have started getting a feeling that I will not be victorious.I am clueless.

Yesterday I was going through some articles on TIME and I found some inspirational stuff...

असफलता एक चुनौती है, इसे स्वीकार करो...

क्या कमी रह गयी, देखो, और सुधार करो....

जब तक ना सफल हो, नींद, चैन, को त्यागो तुम....

संघर्षों का मैदान, छोड़ कर मत भागो तुम...

कुछ किये बिना ही जय-जयकार नहीं होती....

कोशिश करने वालों की कभी,, हार नहीं होती....

My boat will sail across the sea...lOl.

T A L I S M A N

 
Need of Gandhi or need to rediscover Gandhi.
In this new age,we cannot blindly follow the
aesthetic path of Mahatma Gandhi.
Times have changed ,so the people have changed.
Whenever I go through the writings of Marx,
I find a subtle simililarity between Bapu and Marx thinking.
Today UN,USA but not India are trying to show their
reverance for Gandhi.
Gandhi by no means held a perfect vision or should
be considered a apostle of peace.
But he was the first to consider his faults and tried
to alter the repurcussions(although failed to do so).
We have to learn a lot from this person.Idea,belief,
faith,imperfect vision,almost everything.
A close look at his principles show that his relevance
is greater now than it ever was.
His impeccable resilience to fight all odds,his economic
approach and his altruism.

Growing avarice,intended loathe,continuos bloodshed,unequivocal

opulence needs to be stopped.

The whole idea behind KHADI inspired me to write this article.
Even great economists like Smith,Marx,Keynes
couldn't think of it but Gandhi.
He didn't believe in the standard cliches of social life like casteism,imperialism,capitalism etc.
He was no pedagouge but a follower of a dictator,voice of his conscience,the SELF.
His dream was free and stable INDIA but we have repeatedly
failed him in many ways.
Todays farmers are a true example of THE MAN WITH A HOE
and we are responsible for it.
Contemporary notion of good governance was refused to
obey always.
He was not a critique of modernity but a follower of modernity.
He was in favour of upliftment
of womens in society,against all kinds of social discrimination
and wanted to have control over one's destiny.


The world would be a much fairer,happier and prosperous
place to live if Gandhian principles were
included in the fundamental principles of World Constitution(dream).

"Categorically speaking,One day we will change the world"



.

In the name of Poor

Most of the inclusive policies are always implemented in the name 

of helping the poor.The poor are certainly not benefitted although its in the name of poor.

I would like to take a simple example of Maharashtra Govt.'s

scheme to subsidise production of alcohol from foodgrains,its

ironial that people are starving for foodgrains.

The government claims that the scheme will benefit farmers.

This policy will fetch better prices for their crops.UPA II's main

objective was to bring PDS system as soon as possible but nowhere

I can see its probability or possiblity.

The foodgrain that is used for alcohol can be used for feeding poor

people.India ranks pretty high in the hunger index,a survey carried

out by United Nations.

These policies are exclusively drafted for investments without keeping

in mind the situation of farmers.

I forgot to mention that the needy people get rotten grains while the

good grains are used for production of alcohol.

One more drop of blood I spill, one more drop of blood you take....

Imbibing Eurpoean Values
Jose Manuel's drunk,
he himself is very much imbibed with
european values.In his thoughts,all the
credit should go to europe for globalisation.
Especially the emergence of India n China is
because of europe n we should learn more
from them...as if they are our forefather.
How can Jose be such a fool?
Seriously that answer lies with him
(I'm chuckling)...
He states that europe has
multilateralism in their DNA,do they?...
.I hope Europeans would also not agree
with him.I think teaching asians is not in their
purview,they should try to take lessons from
Asians.Recently IMF consulted Indian central bank
for its policies,both fiscal n monetary taken during
recession. Why does Jose want to become a laughing
stock by saying that europe is uniquely suited to take
leadership role.Short term memory,i must say...has he
forgotten the recent EU elections..hidden rivalry
between France n Germany...leadership which allows
everything but muslims.
In my opinion Europe decisions are not
independent,infact under the influence of USA's imperialist
hegemony.Asians dont want such values,imbibing them
is too far to think.In post crisis world its the asian values under 
consideration.World has experianced the repecurssions of
blindly following americans,huh american idiots....We are not
proud of WTO n we are not going to accept the terms laid down in it.
Its sheer hypocrisy n we condemn it outrightly.

TIME WARP

Do souls speak?

If they, then what is the language?

Will i be able to understand that?

Spathe of questions but no answer,

that's the irony.We are celebrating

diamond jubliee i.e. the 60th RE-PUBLIC day.

Normally we take retirement at this age either

voluntarily or forcibly.

Are we going to retire?

If yes,then please carry on......else hear the voice of your soul.

Souls are pure.

Today I asked my friend Anu,"How did u celebrated republic day?"....

He said" Yaar aaj divya ke saath muvie dekhi".

And he didn't forgot to tell me about the sale in ganj mall.

But suddenly a thought came to my mind,what did i do?
Answer= Nothing.

I watched parade,aussie open,tuned to some patriotic songs

n gone out to watch tri-colour lights.

It seems as if i am retired..

Do I?

Atleast give some time to your country...that was the voice...this time its heard.

INDIAN EULOGY

Hey...its sandman after a long break..........

well its 26/11.....huh.... people are lightining candles,

politicians are paying tributes 

n many such remembrance schedule going on across the country. 

i am not able to understand the need of the hour.the lone survivor 

kasab is in safe hands,isn't this a mockery on

on indian policies,judiciary n many such aspects.hafiz saaed the main

 mestermind is set free because of lack of evidence.

all the news channels are repeatedly showing that bloodbath,that carnage.

In mumbai there's parade goin on as if they are celebrating republic day.

I am not able to see that anger,wrath which should have been in the countrymen's eyes.

Honestly speaking i think we have become a regular or i should say

enculcated this habit.I am ashamed to hear the statement of our prime minister 

saying that theu dont no who to deal with.Is this not non chalant attitude of our govenment.

Its highly preposterous rather i should say complacent.

And the irony is that Ajmal kasab is more safe than us.

This anger need not to be calmed down but it should be burgeoned among us.

Heeling wounds will not solve the problem.We need to do introspection.Remember

'For whom the bell tolls' ahhh....i think its indians.There is a constant chill deep inside

 our heart....its saying we got to fight,its time for vendetta.Suffered wounds test the pride.

We have to go insane from the pain we are suffering..then i think we will be able to produce

 a massive roar which will disseminate our message to the deaf ears of terrorists,

our government n to the whole world.

We have to show our temerity,frentic nature,this time it will not be punished but rewarded,

we got to show effulgence to outcast this shadow.I am not asking here to rage a war 

against particular country,but taciturners are certainly not allowed.Terrorists are inclement,

so we got to be sagacious enough to tackle them.It's the most propitious time to start with.

I here call a bedlam which will end this trepidation!!!!

SUFFOCATING UNDER THE ACTIONS OF SORROW 

This about my actions which i acted but i didn't wanted to.

Really i feel bad about it but feel like i'm bound to do it.

Can i do anything about it?

Whenever i see anyone in pain i too feel that pain but i only feel it .I'm not able to do anything about it.

I don't know what stops me from helping them.It's about all sought of situations esp. major ones.

I want to slap myself because i'm just fucking around and not able to come out of box.

This reminds me of the RDB's line "AB BHI JISKA KHOON NA KHOALA WOH KHOON NAHI WOH PANI HAI".

I've become used to these problems i'll not say numb because i feel that pain.

I want to help poor farmers (esp. bundelkhand) who are resorting to suicide,victims 

of child labour and many such peoples with gruesome atrocities.

Yesterday i was watching a documentary "THE KILLING ZONE" based on the crisis in

 middle east.The people esp. childrens were the main victims.

The scene really chocked me,i was numb for a while but what can i do for them.

I want to break these shackles.I really wanna help these people.

The pain with which people of SIERRA LEONE, GAZA,GHANA,COMBODIA,NORTH KOREA,BOSNIA,AFGHANISTAN

 and many more to count live is really painstricken.

Its really painful to watch these plethora of problems.

Now these problems are no more domestic,but international

and they need some pragmatic solution.

i know i can help them only if i've got weight(in my pen),den only people will 

take d pains to listen me. i would really like to be a part of this solution.

THIS VIOLENCE OF POVERTY(in all respect) NEED TO BE STOPPED.

 

   

.

i'm in great tension n i know for what.these days i'm thinking a lot,for everything.

all soughts of negative thoughts are coming into my mind. about my career,my family,my future. i think i'm not able to deal with it.i'm overburdened.

sooner or later im going to die of diabetes.fuck man.

i'm trying to improve everyone rather improving myself.

i dont want to think but i think that too a lot.

its not dat i dont know about myself or about my negative points.

i'm living with a guilt of not able to serve my country,family.

i'm not loyal to myself.

right now i'm listening "no joy in mudville"

i want to sleep but i'm not able to..............

will i be able to crack this shell,it's hardnut.

i think i'm in obsessive compulsive disorder

I want to focus on ...............

Engineering with ROCK

Hey sandman's here after a long time.

dis time its about metal dat too heavy.......

I'm writing this while Metallica drums into my head and my mind is just about to hit Overload.. 

I'm writing this to address a question put to me a million times, usually with grimaces and looks that usually convey the unshakeable conviction that I belong in an asylum, in an iron straitjacket…the question is .. "How CAN u like ROCK?????"  Its all noise, they're screaming not singing, They're violent disturbed people, This music Is ANTICHRIST!!!! 

Ok, by now everybody must be wondering what an article on rock is doing in an Engg section. What's got me thinking is the fact that all Engineering Colleges have a Rock Show.. How many Commerce and Science colleges have u seen holding Rock Shows? I believe there's a connection between Engineering and Rock, a very powerful connection.

What's rock about? Who are we people who enjoy this music? What do we see in it? What do we want from it? Is it just perverseness that drives us to this music?

You hear noise.. we hear the melody of power, not power over others. Power within ourselves. We hear the music that speaks of a real world, not the little idiotic chocolate romances that your beloved Britney spears and Christina Aguilera sing about. I wont accept that crap because I know it for what it is. I don't want that music because it shows me a world of mindless fools who want to believe that that's all the world's about. And the people who just listen to the music because its soothing, because it kills time.. That's not why I listen to music. I listen to music because it's an expression of who I am, who I can be.. and I don't want to be what your crappy Britspear thinks I should be. I don't want her to be born to make me happy, I don't want to drive her crazy, I don't give a shit if she's lonely or lucky or whatever else she wants to moan about... Frankly, My Spear, I don't give a damn..

Do you see the connection? What we are aspiring towards is the same. We are Engineers. What do we care about these things? We are here to Create, to Invent. Not because the world wants it, not because some people would be saved if we create it. We aspire to create because its what we are, what we want to be. Not for anyone, only for ourselves. These rockers, Metallica, Megadeth, Sepultura, Rage against the Machine.. They started singing not because people would like their music.. They rocked because that is how they wanted to express themselves. They didn't give a shit if people ridiculed them. 

Isn't this what we want to say about ourselves as Engineers? No one owns us. Not our college, Not our company, Not the country we work for. No one owns the insides of our heads. We will be what we will be. We will decide our duties. We will make our own rules.. Let them come and say it cant be done.. We'll do it and laugh in their faces.

This is what I wanted to say.. I respect Rock.. and I respect Engineering.. not Engineering the education system.. Engineering The System of Thought and Action.

I think u too should respect dis crawl,snarl,dis rush of blood n adrenaline and fuck dat soothing,choclate music.

We are engineers, we got to respect rock.

hiiii,

sandman's here trying not to feel pride in prejudices......

hmmmm...we need to give a serious thought about it.From childhood we have been battered by one or the other stereotypes, and we try we keep going with it.

How can one do that?but why he can't???

Serious know............

i've a feeling that when we are dealing with our active and maldaptive prejiduces we need to owe them.

but again the same ques. arises HOW????

that actually i too don;t know

but this i can say that our prejudices show our perspective towards life or anything.